The things I have learnt whilst raising a small human . . .

  1. Everyone will have an opinion on what you do
  2. You thought cutting a newborns nails was scary? Try cutting a toddlers.
  3. The stomach does not digest sweet corn and it will always greet you at the other end.
  4. Chris and Pui (if you know you know) are the most annoying people on the planet.
  5. *Toddler thoughts* A penny on the floor? Oooo that will go into my mouth. A piece of fluff at a trampoline park? Ooo that will go into my mouth. A carrot on your high chair? NO WAY IS THAT GOING IN MY MOUTH.
  6. 9pm is a normal bedtime. (And I’m not talking about the baby)
  7. Turns out kids don’t like food as much as adults do. I never thought I’d be coaxing my child to eat a cheese and ham toastie. C’mon girl CHEESE AND HAM.
  8. I find myself cleaning my entire house with baby wipes.
  9. Always put your mental health above housework. The dishes can wait.
  10. Get out as much as you can. Being outside makes everything better!
  11. Always remember everything is a phase.
  12. They couldn’t care less if they’ve got 97 presents to open at Christmas or 1. They’d rather have the cardboard box anyway.
  13. Don’t leave the house without snacks. EVER.
  14. Try not to focus on what everyone else’s child is doing/saying. Every child is different and comparison is the thief of joy.
  15. Not every day is a good day, but there is good in every day.
  16. A poo in the bath becomes the norm.
  17. You spend 97% of the day wanting them to sleep and then when they’re asleep you miss them.
  18. The daily battle of choosing housework or chill when they do finally nap should just be abolished because chill should always win.
  19. You don’t have to do everything all of the time.
  20. I’ve said it once, I’ll say it 100 hundred times. Don’t let swim nappies lull you into a false sense of security. Because what will happen is PISS EVERYWHERE.
  21. It’s okay to have ‘me time’.
  22. You all of a sudden realise your Mum is superwoman!
  23. Brushing your toddler’s teeth is apparently the end of the world.
  24. Holiday’s no longer resemble ‘relaxation’ and ‘time off’ but they are better than ever before.
  25. But above all else what I have learnt is that raising a small human with a lot of sass and attitude (albeit can be hard work at times) is the most rewarding, fulfilling and enjoyable thing I’ve ever done.
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