Evie was 3 days old when I received my first ‘when are you having another one?’. I mean each to their own but preferably at a time in my life when I don’t piss myself every 10 minutes? I’d literally given birth 72 hours ago and people were already asking me when I was going to have another baby! I understand sometimes it’s just phatic conversation, some may even say polite or just a friendly question . . But at times it also seems slightly unnecessary and a little bit intrusive.
It’s such a personal subject because everyone feels differently about it. Different strokes for different folks n’all that. People love to comment on age gaps, like they’re fascinated by them. “Oh they’re close together in age aren’t they” or “wow you waited a while to have another”. I suppose it’s the same as anything in life you’re going to have people pass judgement but it’s not a crazy thing to say that you don’t want another child (at all or just not yet).
I suppose what resonates with me the most is my Mum has always said ‘having one is like having one but having two is like having ten” and that’s stuck with me. I’m lucky enough at the moment to have some sort of ‘balance’ (I use that word lightly) in my life in that I work part time and I’m financially stable, I can manage my instagram and blog relatively well, I can keep the house tidy(ish), I have a social life (again ish because 9 times out of 10 I’d chose Netflix and pyjamas) without feeling too much stress and pressure from being pulled every which way. I can just about do the nursery pick up, dinner, bath, bed, routine solo with one child, I’m just not ready for two just yet! So for that reason alone it makes me feel appreciative that I live a happy not-so-stressful or chaotic life. As much as I can’t wait to have another baby, I can wait. (If that makes any sense at all). I am also aware it’s not a god given right that we will have another baby and we were lucky enough to conceive Evie without even trying (not in a braggy way. We literally weren’t trying!!) so I know that could also throw things up in the air as trying for a baby isn’t as easy as 123. (No idea why I’m now quoting the Jackson 5 now).
I suppose my biggest reason for not jumping on the baby number two bandwagon just yet is lil ol’ Evie Pops. Some days I do crave for those newborn cuddles and that new baby bubble, but 90% of the time I’m enjoying her so much (or being run ragged beyond measure) that I know I’m not ready to share my attention yet, I’m soaking her up as much as I can. If you’d have caught me at the 9 month stage then yes I probably would have jumped at the chance to try for another baby (and I won’t even lie we debated it A LOT), however now that she’s a full blown toddler and we’re going through the terrible two’s already you are absolutely okay hun and I will wait a little bit longer to consider bringing another maniac into the mix juggling little miss sassy pants plus another human being.
This isn’t to discredit anyone who has two children closely together, in fact it’s the total opposite because I’m absolutely in awe of you! This is more personal than that and this is me saying I’m just not ready yet, and that’s okay!! I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m SuperMum and that I could take it all in my stride, because I don’t think I could quite yet. Some days as soon as Danny steps through the door I breathe a sigh of relief because the tantrums are getting louder and the demands are getting stronger. So don’t let anyone make you feel like you ‘should’ be doing something and you should be doing it at a certain time, like I literally cannot deal with the amount of people who ask me when I’m having another or that it’s crazy that I’m not already pregnant again.
With all that being said it’s so important to remember to focus on YOU. Do what’s best for you and your family and I’m now trying my hardest to not let people’s opinions affect me in a way they use to. At the end of the day they’re just passing comments whether its baby related or whatever else it may be and a lot of people generally don’t think before they speak. But from now on the next time someone asks me “oooo when are you having another?” I will pluck up the courage to say “we’re pretty content at the moment so we’re just not ready yet” *aka we wouldn’t dreaaaammmm about trying for another baby until we get our 30 free hours at nursery because I’d actually like to still be able to pay my mortgage*