It feels like I’ve known you my whole life yet it seems like only yesterday you were born. But it’s actually been two whole years. 24 months. 104 weeks. 730 days. 17,520 hours. 1,051,200 minutes. It’s true what they say; the days are long but the years are short.
A year to a baby must feel like an eternity yet to a parent it can feel like a nanosecond. I feels like only a couple of months ago that I was planning her first birthday party, or that she took her first steps. It’s only now I look back and I see how far we’ve come and how much she’s grown. It’s also nice to take a step back and see how much I’ve grown, as a mother and as a person.
I’ve found the transition from baby to toddler pretty bloody challenging, partly because I’m raising a strong willed and sassy female who I’m sure one day will rule the world, but partly because toddlers are just arseholes. That being said the harder the graft, the bigger the reward. This is the age where every single day they do something new, something hysterical, something cheeky, something testing and they are testing their boundaries like you could never even imagine! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it can be like living with a mini dictator. How is this small human having my life!? I’m the adult in this situation so how is it that she is completely owning me in Tesco in front of everrrrryone. Toddlers were put on this earth as character building, I’m almost sure of it.
In these last 12 months I’ve become the parent I thought I would never be. (And now I realise just how naive and judgey shmudgey I was pre Evie) We have the iPad out in restaurants (because she couldn’t possibly eat a meal without paw patrol), we bribe her with ‘bic bics’ to sit still in trolleys, we hide her veggies in her pasta sauce because the sight of a lump turns her into Angelica Pickles, she drinks cordial like it’s going out of fashion (and yes I thought she would drink water only until she turned 7) and basically if it makes our life easier we will do it. I mean it might not sound like it but yes we do have boundaries but we definitely pick our battles. I’d like to think this year we’ve found our feet with our parenting ‘style’ and it’s very much a middle ground.
Above all else what I’ve learnt this year is that being a mother completes me. It’s completes me in ways that I never imagined it would. And the older she gets the more apparent it becomes because every day she makes me laugh a little more and want to squeeze her a little harder. Yes some days might be filled with tiredness, frustration and a few tears but every day is filled with laughter and love. Sometimes you can be made to feel like a bit of a dickhead for loving motherhood because so many people like to portray the ‘ugly’ side of it, the sleepless nights, the shitty nappies, the tantrums (and I really could go on) and yes whilst that’s all true the good will always outweigh the bad. Sometimes I get scared that people are so brutal in describing motherhood that our future generation will be too scared to reproduce!? Dramatic I know but sometimes it feels like all we do is highlight the hard times that we forget to relish the amazing times! Some days it’s impossible to focus on the good and I totally get that, you’re allowed to cry and you’re allowed to rant (Instagram will have your back!) but for me, this past year, I’ve tried (and sometimes failed) to find the good in every day and because of that it’s made me a better person and a better mother. I’m not a perfect mother and I’ve never declared to be. I’m just Evie’s Mum. And these past 2 years have been hands down without a doubt the best of my life.